It Was

Over the past month and a half that my family and I have spent in quarantine, it has been extremely hard for me to process my feelings regarding the current state of my senior year. Almost like shock, I feel like I have almost just been drifting from each day to the next. Keeping up with the news, I knew that it was extremely unlikely that schools were going to reopen after May 15, but until I heard Governor Roy Cooper's statement yesterday confirming that, it didn't hit me that the past 4 years of my life are truly over. I never imagined nor did I realize that my last day of high school was going to be March 13, 2020.

What's extremely sad to think about is I don't even remember that day at all. I don't remember what happened that Friday, besides everyone thinking we weren't going to have school for a few weeks. I don't remember the conversations I had with some of my teachers, and it's quite possible that those conversations could very well have been the last ones I will ever have with them in person. It's also possible I shared words with some of my classmates for the last time. Had I known that day was going to be my last as a high schooler, I would have cherished it more. I would have put aside my feelings of exhaustion, stress, or annoyance for the day and instead have been a little more grateful. I was expecting to have two more months to do these things and make sure I really took note of them so that I would never forget them.

However, if there is anything I have learned from the last 4 years, it is that it was foolish of me to think that things would always work out how I imagined they would. It was naive of me to come in as a freshman and think that my time during high school would be full of complete happiness, lots of parties, and everything else that movies and TV shows make it out to be.

In reality, when I think about my time in high school, I feel a rush of conflicted emotions. Truth be told, my time in high school was no picnic in the park. It was filled with both breathtaking highs but also terrible lows. I had many moments when I felt happy, thrilled about life, and had excitement for the future, but there were also a significant amount of times when I felt defeated, lost, and alone.

While I do think I have a better grip on who I am now, there were plenty of times over these past 4 years where I felt none of those things. There were times when I didn't know what made me, me. I didn't know what my purpose in life was. I didn't know what it was that I even wanted to do with my life. There were many times when I was confused and stuck in many ways. When I felt very alone and like I didn't truly fit in anywhere at all. Additionally, I struggled badly during my junior year as a result of my uncle's battle with pancreatic cancer and am still dealing with the effects of it and the challenges that have been thrown at my family as a result to this day.

As a senior now, I feel like I have grown into myself tremendously. I have become confident in what I stand for and believe in as well as have become more comfortable with who I am now than I ever have been in the past. Additionally, I have come to understand that, as a human, I am not nor will I ever be perfect. I have accepted that there will always be things about myself that I don't like, and that I have limits as to what I can handle. I am proud of myself for my love of wanting to help others and my passion for making a difference in my community and in my school. Not only that, but I have become great friends with some of the most amazing people that have made me laugh, supported me, and made some of my classes just a bit better. For all of this, I am in many ways appreciative of my high school experience.

One of the biggest things that I have learned during my time in high school is that life will never be without hardship. There are going to be so many times when the universe throws you something and you truly think you can't handle it, or when it completely knocks you down so far you think you won't be able to get through it. Life is also going to be so uncomfortable and weird at times. But there is a power like no other in realizing that all of the hard times that you go through are what allow you to grow as a person. You must be able to learn from your mistakes, your low points, and everything else in between. You also have to be willing to accept and embrace change.

Through it all, and despite all of the hard times I have faced equalling the number of good times I have had, I will forever be grateful for my time at Millbrook. Though there were certainly days when I didn't want to go to school and just wanted to be done, I realize now just how much I took my time at Millbrook for granted, and I would never wish for anyone's senior year to be cut so short like this.

To my friends: thank you for the love and the support, the 2 AM facetime calls over procrastinated homework, the uncontrollable fits of laughter during class, the dances, the off-campus lunch stories, and everything else in between. Thank you for giving me a chance.

Thank you, Millbrook. It was a time I will never forget.

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For Mrs. Genesky,

I remember how during one of those first days of school you told us that you have never been a huge touchy-feely person or someone who is outwardly affectionate because you feel awkward, but you're going to have to deal with this anyway because I want you to hear this! Blame COVID-19. 

Ever since Julia had you for her senior year in IB, I had been so excited to have you as a teacher. Maybe it was just because she was my older sister and I thought everything she said was cool. But, maybe it was also because she loved you and your class a lot and she made you out to be such an awesome teacher! Thankfully she was right!

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for truly being one of the best teachers I've ever had. Growing up, English was always my favorite subject. I loved to read and write, and I found solace in immersing myself in the world of a book. However, over the recent years--maybe it was the teachers I had or the books being taught in class were simply just boring--I had lost that passion for literature I once had. Your class this year reopened my interest in English! I genuinely looked forward to your class every other day and yes, I really did even read every book we covered all the way through! You made reading and analyzing stories fun and interesting, not something that was tedious or boring, and I am really grateful for getting to experience that this year. 

Additionally, thank you for just being an encouraging and caring teacher in general. Even if I may have gotten a lower grade on one of my essays than I would have liked, you never made me feel like what I had written was worthless like, unfortunately, some teachers in the past have. Instead, you helped me become a better writer in a more encouraging and nurturing way. I also thank you for all the times you have listened to us rant during our B-Day lunch sessions and given us amazing advice or simply just made us laugh. Sometimes your class would be the first time I had laughed all day. 

Also, one of the things I will miss the most about your class is how ORGANIZED it was! As someone who gets really stressed out when I feel like I don't know what I should be doing or what's happening in class next, I never felt like I was lost in your class. Although it probably won't be the case, I hope my college professors are as organized and structured as you are for my sake. 

Moral of what I am saying is thank you for being amazing and making my senior year great! I'll forever be grateful to have experienced such a great English class!

Natalie